Saturday, December 16, 2006

it's not me, it's Saturday.

do you ever feel like saying something and then out of reasons that are obviously unfavorable to you, you can't seem to find the right words? and then after, just right after that opportunity to muster the courage to speak, all the thoughts and emotions and just about the most appropriate statements come rushing back. that's oddly how i'm feeling now. yes, at 8 o'clock in morning. and i actually thought i would have a good day. maybe that's why i'm blogging now. guess i wanted to see these emotions in black and white-- before the feeling escapes me. because really, feelings have perfected the art of fading away even if you don't want them to. but this time, i hate it and would give everything to make it go away.

i feel stupid. from now on, i should have my own reservations. not that i'm someone with that much experience on feeling rather down, but here's a tip: don't feel like anyone else, as in not another soul, is obliged or is responsible for making you feel happy. they're simply actors in our own stories. from troy bolton's words, "you are the playmaker." feeling happy is not something that others do for you, but something that you make yourself feel after someone else has done something good. we are the ones accountable for our emotions.

remember how i said that thoughts and words come back to you after the actual chance of saying it? perhaps it's fate. otherwise, had i not bottled up my thoughts a long time ago, i would have lived a different life. and i'm happy with how i am now. this time, this "happy" feeling... well i'm hoping that it doesn't fade.

wow, i'm actually contradicting myself. i started with saying how we are accountable, and then now fate is. but whatever is, things we say, or in my case, don't say, can affect us greatly in ways we may or may not notice.

there. i'm not sure if i'm making sense anymore. whatever. i inflicted this upon myself.

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